Forgiveness

Here is a small re-cap from the 2nd "Sacred Women" meeting- Thursday, May 6th, 2010.

Sacred Women meets in Stockton,CA- every other Thursday at 7:00 pm.

Mission Statement- To collectively as women come up with concrete skills in order to heal, become self-aware, have faith and hope in ourselves and ultimately become better women; to promote healing, love and unity.

This week we discussed forgiveness- what it is and how to do it. Many of us find forgiveness difficult especially when we have been very deeply wounded. Forgiveness is necessary for life and when we don’t forgive we turn into bitter resentful women. We will take a closer look at forgiveness and examine why it is necessary in order to be a “Sacred Woman”.

Here were some of the questions posed in the discussion (not all questions are listed).

What is forgiveness?
Do you find it easy or difficult to forgive those who have hurt you? Why or why not?
What does forgiveness do for you?
How do you forgive yourself?

Here were some of the responses to the first question- Some said forgiveness is to stop being angry or to “let it go”; to release the hurt.

All of us agreed that we don’t like to forgive and we actually found forgiveness hard to do- that was a shock (LOL)! One responded that it is hard to forgive someone who continually offends you or keeps breaking your trust. I think we can all agree that we usually stop forgiving someone if they continually hurt us. Some said it is “easier to forgive then to forget.”

It is true, it is difficult to forgive someone who habitually hurts and/or offends you on a regular basis. It is my belief that if we are in relationships where the person- friend or significant other keeps hurting us continually we should remove ourselves from his/her presence. Also if you find yourself in relationships were both you and the other person are hurting each other on purpose on a regular basis then both you and that person should discontinue the relationship and examine the hurt and pain existing inside both of you individually. It is sad to say but true- We hurt people because we are hurt; “Only hurt people hurt people.”

Forgiveness removes the hurt and the weight that hurt brings- this is why we MUST forgive. Forgiveness changes us for the better. Forgiveness frees us from the burden of anger, resentment and gives us freedom and peace instead. Forgiveness has the power to heal us spiritually, mentally and physically as well because it can resolve inner disease in the body as forgiveness releases tension and stress.

Ways we can forgive ourselves is to have realistic expectations of ourselves. Many of us expect perfection and when we make a mistake we come down very hard on ourselves. We need to understand that we are human and it is ok to make mistakes. Also we can ask God to help us to be merciful to ourselves and in turn we can more easily forgive others.

Some ways we can forgive others is to first empathize with the person(s) who hurt us. Put yourself in that person’s shoes. Some of us are still angry at our fathers or mothers or friends or uncles or family members and were thinking, “They should have done or not done this to me”- but we have never stopped to think that maybe that person didn’t have the capacity to do this or that. Maybe that person was so broken inside that all they could give was hurt and pain because that’s all they had in the inside. We cannot expect whole from a piece. Forgiveness releases that unrealistic expectation. How can a person give what they don’t have? If that person was broken and hurt how could that person give you love and acceptance?

Also we can always go to God and ask God for the DESIRE to forgive that person(s) if we are finding it difficult to forgive. God answers prayers. Pray in Faith.
Next we did a “Forgiveness Ceremony”. Everyone had a piece of paper and a pen and we had a fire going on in the fireplace. Every one wrote down the names(s) of the person they were struggling to forgive. Second we wrote down how that person hurt us and how it affected us. Next we individually spoke aloud the person’s name/the affect and how we were ready to forgive them today! We cast that piece of paper into the fire and like Usher said- we “let it burn!” Casting the piece of paper with the unforgiveness and hurt written on it into the fire symbolizes release; letting go, forgiveness. On another piece of paper we wrote down what we will replace the unforgiveness with, i.e. - love, joy, happiness, peace etc. Try this forgiveness journey by yourself or with a group- it’s wonderful!

Forgiveness is powerful. Forgiveness is a journey and a skill we can ask God to help us develop. Forgiveness is divine and sacred. Sacred women forgive.

Peace and Love, Miss Deliverance